Resilience isn't something you're born with, it's something you build. Like a muscle, it strengthens with use, with challenge, and with recovery. In my journey through childhood relocations, professional setbacks, and the daily balancing act of family life, I've learned that resilience isn't about never falling; it's about how you get back up.
Embrace Your Challenges
The first step in building resilience is accepting that challenges are inevitable. Early in my life, my family moved frequently for my father's career. Each move meant starting over: new school, new friends, new environment. Initially, I viewed these changes as disruptions. Over time, I recognized them as opportunities to adapt and grow.
In Episode 3, I shared how those frequent relocations taught me to recognize my shortcomings and plan for them so I improve as I face new environments.
Watch Jeremy and I discuss how competition shaped our lives.
Resilience begins when you stop seeing difficulties as obstacles and start seeing them as stepping stones. Your perspective determines whether challenges break you down or build you up.
Learn to Listen to Yourself
Self-awareness is the foundation of resilience. Understanding your emotional responses, recognizing your limits, and acknowledging when you need help are all critical skills.
I've learned when I'm depleted, when I need to step back, and when I need to push through. In Episode 8 of Never in Reverse, I shared how I pushed through COVID-19 to deliver an important presentation. While I value my determination in that moment, I now understand that true resilience includes knowing when to create boundaries between work and recovery.
Self-reflection isn't self-indulgence; it's maintenance. Take time daily to check in with yourself. What's draining you? What's energizing you? This awareness helps you allocate your resources more effectively.
Build Your Support Network
No one builds resilience alone. The strongest among us have people they can lean on, confide in, and receive strength from.
Jeremy and I often discuss how our competitive natures pushed us to be self-reliant to a fault. We've both had to learn that asking for help is wisdom, not weakness. True strength comes from knowing when to stand alone and when to stand with others.
Your support network might include family, friends, mentors, or professional connections. Invest in these relationships before you need them. Be the person others can count on, and you'll find yourself surrounded by people you can count on.
Practice Accountability
Resilience requires ownership. When something goes wrong, resilient people ask, "What can I learn from this?" rather than "Who can I blame for this?"
In my family, I've worked to model this for my children. When I make a mistake, I acknowledge it. This doesn't diminish my authority, it strengthens it. My children learn that failure isn't fatal and that owning your mistakes is part of growth.
Accountability creates clarity. When you take responsibility for your actions and their outcomes, you gain control over your responses and, ultimately, your future.
Create Recovery Rituals
Resilience includes intentional recovery. Just as athletes build rest days into their training, you need to build recovery into your life.
For me, road trips provide mental space to appreciate what I have. Whether it's a weekend away with family or a quick drive to clear my head, these moments help me recharge and regain perspective.
Your recovery rituals might be different; perhaps meditation, exercise, time in nature, or creative pursuits. The key is consistency. Make recovery non-negotiable.
Develop Flexible Thinking
Rigid thinking breaks under pressure. Flexible thinking bends and adapts.
Again, in Episode 6, we also explored the importance of understanding everyone's perspectives. We noted that showing up authentically is especially important in conversations with our loved ones, requiring us to be flexible in our thinking.
Here, Jeremy discusses the difficulty of emotionally showing up after long work days.
When my wife pointed out that I was making promises to my family that I wasn't keeping, I had a choice: defend my behavior or adapt my thinking. Choosing flexibility allowed me to see my actions through my family's eyes and make necessary changes.
Practice seeing situations from multiple perspectives. When faced with a challenge, ask yourself: "What's another way to look at this?" This flexibility creates options where none seemed to exist.
Focus on What You Can Control
Resilience thrives on action. When facing difficulty, identify what's within your control and focus your energy there.
In my professional life, I can't control market fluctuations or client decisions, but I can control my preparation, my responsiveness, and my integrity. By focusing on these areas, I remain effective even in uncertain circumstances.
Make this a daily practice: When feeling overwhelmed, list what you can and cannot control. Then, direct your efforts exclusively toward the former.
Remember Your "Why"
Resilience is fueled by purpose. When you know why you're enduring hardship, you find strength you didn't know you had.
For me, providing for my family goes beyond financial support. It includes being emotionally present, keeping my promises, and modeling the values I want them to embrace. This "why" carries me through difficult days and decisions.
Your purpose might relate to family, career, community, or personal growth. Connect with it daily, especially when challenges arise.
Celebrate Small Wins
Resilience isn't built through grand gestures but through consistent small actions. Recognize and celebrate your progress, no matter how incremental.
Jeremy and I often discuss the importance of "winning the day" on our podcast. Success isn't about massive overnight achievements; it's about consistent daily victories that compound over time.
Start tracking your wins. Each night, identify three things, no matter how small, that you accomplished. This practice builds momentum and reinforces your capability to overcome challenges.
Turn Setbacks Into Comebacks
Building resilience is a lifelong journey, not a destination. There will always be new challenges, requiring new forms of strength. The good news is that each challenge you overcome builds the capacity for the next one.
Remember that you're stronger than you think, more capable than you know, and never alone in your struggles. Keep moving forward, never in reverse.
Doug Cox is the co-host of the Never in Reverse podcast alongside Jeremy Axel. Together, they explore topics related to resilience, leadership, personal growth, and family through honest conversation and real-world experience.
